Cautions : The following advices are solely a personal views from the author based on the research done in past 3 years. The full articles has been published in a world prominent journal and can be obtained from the author through his email.As gays and lesbians writing about money, we’ve grown weary of reading all the personal finance content that’s written from the perspective of straight marriages. So, we’ve turned the tables on money and relationship advice by asking: What if all of our participants were all gay? Would their answer be more relevant to our lives? We think the answer is yes!
love and money. Romance and the ultimate romance killer. Somehow between the first date and the first shared utilities bill, money nudge into relationship, creating a threesome that is sometimes harmonious, sometimes hard to deal with.
For some couples, the intrusion sounds a warning bell-disagreement about money it’s the major thing we fight about. for other couple, it slides in easily, just another aspect of an already strong relationship. Let us see the schedule a Money Date...
do not over indulges - i meant do not over dress
Do-Not-Over-Indulgence, make sure your partner aren't defining their happiness from all gifts, fancy dinner, grandeur holiday, your status and other. Sit down with them and have a one-on-one conversation about what really defines their worth — their intelligence, their creativity, their caring, their giving, their ethic, etc.
i ask you to talk , not singing!!!
If you spent equal time sitting down and talking to them about what really mattered as you do shopping, you might be able counterbalance the countless images they see telling them otherwise.
Understand "intrinsic" versus "extrinsic" motivation.
Intrinsic motivation is when people do things because they feel proud of themselves when they do it. They feel a sense of accomplishment and achievement.
Extrinsic motivation is when someone does something because of external motivation. For example, they will receive money, a toy or privilege if they do the task.
If you are always rewarding your partner with material things, he will never learn how to motivate themselves with internal rewards like pride. They also will never learn to value things because there are so many things and nothing is special.
Remember, If your relationship is based on material goods, your partner won't have the chance to experience unconditional love.
2 Before the date, i recommends having each partner make a list of their financial goals, then compare them over dinner (after several dates and not during your 1st date). This is a chance to look beyond your daily finances and think big. Would you like to start a business? Go back to school? Build a dream home? Take time off to travel?
3 The next step is to set those priorities. What are you willing to give up to reach those goals? This is where you find out whether you and your partner really do agree.
4 Focus on the long-term and short-term. “It’s important not to sacrifice all of your short-term goals for long-term goals.
5 When you both have different approaches toward money, which sounds like the case with you and your partner, it’s important to keep a positive tone to the discussion.
That is all for today, rests well folks and have a greatest date.
p/s: I will not be able to post in quite a period- we are flying back to Malaysia on Friday. Wait for the next installment.
In Love or Money...
love and money. Romance and the ultimate romance killer. Somehow between the first date and the first shared utilities bill, money nudge into relationship, creating a threesome that is sometimes harmonious, sometimes hard to deal with.
For some couples, the intrusion sounds a warning bell-disagreement about money it’s the major thing we fight about. for other couple, it slides in easily, just another aspect of an already strong relationship. Let us see the schedule a Money Date...
do not over indulges - i meant do not over dress
i ask you to talk , not singing!!!
Understand "intrinsic" versus "extrinsic" motivation.Intrinsic motivation is when people do things because they feel proud of themselves when they do it. They feel a sense of accomplishment and achievement.
Extrinsic motivation is when someone does something because of external motivation. For example, they will receive money, a toy or privilege if they do the task.
If you are always rewarding your partner with material things, he will never learn how to motivate themselves with internal rewards like pride. They also will never learn to value things because there are so many things and nothing is special.
Remember, If your relationship is based on material goods, your partner won't have the chance to experience unconditional love.
Conclusion
1 Start with the fun things — "what are your dreams and goals for the future?”2 Before the date, i recommends having each partner make a list of their financial goals, then compare them over dinner (after several dates and not during your 1st date). This is a chance to look beyond your daily finances and think big. Would you like to start a business? Go back to school? Build a dream home? Take time off to travel?
3 The next step is to set those priorities. What are you willing to give up to reach those goals? This is where you find out whether you and your partner really do agree.
4 Focus on the long-term and short-term. “It’s important not to sacrifice all of your short-term goals for long-term goals.
5 When you both have different approaches toward money, which sounds like the case with you and your partner, it’s important to keep a positive tone to the discussion.
That is all for today, rests well folks and have a greatest date.
p/s: I will not be able to post in quite a period- we are flying back to Malaysia on Friday. Wait for the next installment.
No comments:
Post a Comment